Here, messy as it may be at the moment, you can find everything you want to know about the characters of Captain Relativity.
Except, of course, for the things that I don’t want you to know yet.
*WARNING: May Contain Spoilers*
The Good:
Albert Soanso
Alias: Captain Relativity
Superpower(s): Flight, strength, nigh-invulnerability
Education: Freshman at Caltech
Major(s): English
Other Abilities: Obliviousness, wordplay, always saves the day (?)
Summary: Albert is… Captain Relativity! He is the title character and our lead hero. He lacks the math and science skills that are the norm at Caltech. He also gets lost easily. He makes up for this with his charm, wit, and great assistance from his roommate and best friend, Seymore. He is particularly fond of Shakespearian sonnets and H.G. Wells. Aside from Seymore, he is often found in the company of Thyme, his girlfriend. He has a strong fondness for pizza with anchovies. The only difference between his superhero attire and his regular dress is his cape, which, oddly enough, suffices to disguise him from almost everyone…
Seymore Speid
Alias: N/A
Superpower(s): None
Education: Sophomore at Caltech
Major(s): Math, Physics, Computer Science, Chemical Engineering, Electrical Engineering
Other Abilities: Exceptional intuition and observation, communicates with “The Cartoonist”
Summary: Seymore is Albert’s best friend and loyal sidekick. Although cynical, bitter, and easily annoyed, he does his best to keep Albert from leaping before looking. Seymore’s annoyance often stems from things he sees or understands that others don’t. He has considerable academic skills and time-management ability; even so, rumor suggests he uses a time machine to get all his work done. His areas of research include utensil physics. No one knows why he always carries a test tube. He doesn’t like cameras; thus, not only did he try to dodge the camera, he didn’t even smile.
Thyme DiLashon
Alias: N/A
Superpower(s): None
Eduation: Freshman at Caltech
Major(s): Biology
Other Abilities: Superb at growing things, can intimidate anybody
Summary: Thyme is Albert’s girlfriend, and a friend of Seymore’s. While not as observant as Seymore, she also often has to help out Albert with seeing the obvious. Intelligent and self-reliant, she is only interested in studying biology. Although she lacks any kind of martial or weapon-related skills, threatening her would be unwise. Generally friendly, she is very outgoing and has a redhead’s classic temper. She shares Albert’s liking of anchovies.
Murphy McMillan
Alias: Mr. Murphy
Superpower(s): Warping of probability, interference with most electronics
Education: Undergrad, Wisconsin University; 2nd year grad at Caltech
Major(s): B.S. in Math, Physics; graduate work in Physics (chaos theory)
Other Abilities: ???
Summary: Murphy is generally a fairly calm fellow, rather accepting of whatever happens to happen. He’s gotten used to stuff happening around him. He’s quite knowledgeable in his area of research, and has mastered the basic skills of a graduate student. He strongly prefers Orange computers, and is very fond of his laptop. He only has limited control over his superpowers. Dangerous things happen whenever he says, “It could be worse…”
Celia
Alias: None, although often known as “Celia the Paramecium”
Superpower(s): None
Education: Obedience school graduate
Major(s): None
Other Abilities: Rather larger than average paramecium
Summary: Celia is Thyme’s pet paramecium. Thyme raised Celia for a biology lab project; when the experiment was over, she couldn’t just leave the critter, so she took Celia home after she had reached her full size. Celia is quiet and simpleminded, but is occasionally surprisingly helpful.
The Bad:
The Big Green Monster
Alias: N/A. In fact, he doesn’t really have a name. Unless the MIT folks gave him one…
Superpower(s): Who needs ‘em when you’re that big?
Education: Escaped from MIT, probably before getting a degree
Major(s): If he had one, it’d be in causing mayhem
Other Abilities: Glows in the dark
Summary: The Big Green was originally thought to have escaped from the Caltech bio labs, but in fact it seems more likely that he was part of a prank perpetrated by MIT. Among other mayhem, he ate Booty House before being subdued by Captain Relativity. He doesn’t like having his picture taken. (Note: No photographers were eaten in the making of this image.)
Phigg Newton
Alias: N/A
Superpower(s): None, but he twitches a lot
Education: Undergrad, USC; 4th year grad at Caltech
Major(s): B.S. in Physics; graduate work in Physics (Utensil Physics)
Other Abilities: Mad, crazy laughter
Summary: Originally just another researcher in Utensil Physics, he turned to evil after being struck on the head by an apple. He attempted to build a doomsday device, kidnapped Thyme and prepared to conquer the world, but his plans fell flat when Captain Relativity found their fatal flaw.
Higgs Newton
Alias: None
Superpower(s): None
Education: Undergrad, USC; Doctorate from MIT
Major(s): B.S. in Biology and Computer Science; Ph.D. in Computation and Systems Biology
Other Abilities: ???
Summary: Higgs is Phigg’s long-lost big brother. The family resemblance is just about as subtle as their nervous tics. Higgs also shares Phigg’s fascination with world domination. What triggered Higgs’ version is so far unknown. In any case, his approach (and degree of success so far) are somewhat different from that of his younger brother…
Naviera Stokes
Alias: None
Superpowers(s): ???
Education: Undergrad, UCLA; Doctorate from Cornell
Major(s): Bachelor’s and Doctor in Chemical Engineering
Other Abilities: ???
Summary: Naviera Stokes is the professor teaching the legendarily difficult ChemE class, in Transport Phenomena. She appears to be (sadistically) amused by assigning nigh-impossible homework sets. Her research, and other plans, are as yet unknown.
Horatio Bond
Alias: Usually goes by “H. Bond”. (He hates his real first name.)
Superpowers: ???
Education: Undergrad, USC
Major(s): Civil engineering
Other Abilities: ???
Summary: Aside from having a very strange extended family, Mr. Bond has a few peculiarities of his own. He always wears s tuxedo. He works at JPL as part of their on-site security. He’s not allowed to say too much more than that, however. Little other information is known about him at present…
The Random:
The TA
Alias: N/A; In fact, nobody bothers to even use his real name
Superpower(s): None
Education: Undergrad at University of the Boonies; Nth year grad at Caltech
Major(s): B.S. in Chemistry; graduate work in Chemistry
Other Abilities: Surviving undergraduate labs
Summary: As a grad student in chemistry, he’s stuck with one of the worst possible jobs: trying to get undergrads to not blow up the chemistry lab, in addition to passing the notorious Chem 3a. It looks like he was surprised by the flash of the camera… or maybe his latest research was photosensitive.
The PNN Guy
Alias: N/A; He’s too famous to need one
Superpower(s): None
Education: Undergrad at Pomona College
Major(s): B.A. in Journalism
Other Abilities: Understatement, wordplay
Summary: Not one to move far from home, the PNN guy gives all the local news. He reports on all of Captain Relativity’s exploits, and tries to make as many horrific puns and as much terrible alliteration as humanly possible.
Roy “The Fanboy” Wong
Alias: “Roy” is just a nickname; his real first name is hard to say
Superpower(s): None
Education: Sophomore at Caltech
Major(s): Electrical Engineering
Other Abilities: Can live for days on solder fumes alone
Summary: As an overworked EE, Roy tends to be somewhat irritable; he’s especially envious of Seymore’s talents. He was once blackmailed into being Phigg’s goon. He doesn’t like cameras, either, but was too tired to either dodge or smile. As to why he’s called “the Fanboy”… you’ll see.
“Mathgirl”
Superpower(s): Proof of negligibility; proof of non-existence; related math powers
Education: ???
Major(s): Not explicitly known… but probably math
Other Abilities: Fencing, acrobatics
Summary: Acting as deus ex machina to help defeat Higgs Newton, her origins, motives and true identity are all unknown. All that is known so far is that she has a pet lizard and uses the symbol for the integers as her call sign.
